How to manage ambivalence? 4 practical tips of middle managers handling situations...

There are quite a few instances in life when you feel two or three emotions (POSITIVE EMOTIONS – A STUDY ABOUT RESILIENCE IMPROVEMENT>>>) that are contradictory or conflicting at the same time.

For example, if a colleague helps me and I am so proud of what I did, there are times when I feel grateful and at the same time hateful.

What would it be like to receive an offer to work on a project that is meaningful but obvious to you?

This phenomenon in which contradictory and conflicting emotions are simultaneously felt in a certain object, relationship, or situation is called 'Ambivalence'.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="482"] Living with Ambivalence[/caption]

To 'mature in a relationship' also means to acknowledge that there are mixed emotions in the minds of you and the other person and accept them as natural.

Middle managers who are pushed up and down often feel ambivalence.

If there is a subordinate that I don't like, I want to get angry, but at the same time, if this employee leaves the job, there will be no one to share the work with, so I think it would be better to just stay.

That's the way of how to manage ambivalence.

When I see a boss who can't make decisions properly, I think, 'I'm really a salary thief,' but I don't have the confidence to act differently even if I'm in that person's position.

Realizing and acknowledging that you have varied, sometimes contradictory feelings, is a shortcut to emotional maturity.

The same goes for business life.

Recognizing that you can have a variety of emotions and being able to use them appropriately, you can coordinate well between the top and the bottom, and you can continue your corporate life stably.

When you become engrossed in your dominant emotions, problems arise.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="582"] How to manage Ambivalence in workplace[/caption]

As mentioned earlier, it is very rare that we actually feel only one emotion about a situation.

An ambivalence emerges in our minds in heightened and dramatic moments, such as when a boss is being smashed by a boss, when a skinny employee keeps crashing, or when a project that has been stuck on for a long time is thwarted.

There's nothing wrong with having so many emotions.

In a sense, you're more mature than just feeling a single emotion.

Being an adult is a process of realizing and accepting the fact that worldly affairs and people's minds overlap so many elements that it cannot be divided into 'like/dislike'.

Of course, the multi-layered and multifaceted problem of not recognizing people or situations also appears in many adults.

It's usually okay, but it's common to see people at work who gossip that they're the worst boss in the world for saying something they don't like, or call a colleague a traitor for not helping them.

When ambivalence is particularly problematic, it is when you focus on just one of many conflicting emotions.

We are competitors for promotion, but if we work together on a project, we must have an attitude of 'competition is competition, cooperation is cooperation', right?

Humans are multi-layered and multifaceted, and every situation has both good and bad sides.

Sometimes these multifaceted elements collide.

Tips on how to manage ambivalence

So let's talk about how to manage ambivalence should be done by the middle managers in the company.

1. Understanding Different Perspectives

Various contexts and aspects you have to try to understand

We think that people who feel contradictory emotions are hypocrite, not honest with their feelings, and unable to immerse themselves in work and organization.

Ambiguity is actually a very big blessing. Having an ambivalence means not oversimplifying the situation and avoiding actions such as overly ignoring one's own and others' feelings.

Then, in the process of solving the problem, there is a high possibility of posting alternatives other than the conventional and customary response.

Studies have shown that people who often feel ambivalence are more creative than people who have only one emotion or feel no other emotions.

It means 'getting the context right', so it is highly likely that you will respond more appropriately, if not necessarily creative.

It is said that frequent ambivalence is not the result of conscious 'training', but rather the result of nurture combined with innate character.

However, the attitude of looking at a person's mind and situation from various aspects can be acquired to some extent through 'effort'.

The fundamental reason we study the humanities is to have different perspectives on context and emotions.

The frame of thought called 'MECE', which is often mentioned in consulting, is also a way to cultivate a multifaceted perspective.

* MECE is 'Mutually Exclusive' and 'Collectively Exhaustive'
McKinsey's problem-solving technique.

This is detailed in 'The Techniques for Solving McKinsey Problems'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5B--hYDUgmE

In these ways, at least cognitively, you can become a 'thoughtful person' who considers multiple aspects.

2. Cognitive Coherence

For your boss, you need to find keywords that you can apply consistently

Humans, by nature, tend to dislike having emotions that conflict with each other at the same time.

This is called 'cognitive coherence'.

The tendency to seek consistency between one's feelings and emotions, or between emotions and actions.

Who doesn't know that cigarettes are bad for health?

Knowing that fact, not being able to quit smoking is sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes you have to justify it, so you think like 'alcohol is worse than cigarettes' or 'even if you don't smoke, there are many reasons to die'.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="488"] the ABC model of attitudes[/caption]

When there is a contradiction between behavior and cognition, instead of changing behavior, we distort cognition to find consistency.

What if we had ambivalence with our boss?

For example, this is the case.

"My boss seems to be helping me, but he also seems to hate me."

“I was wondering if you could understand what I was struggling with, but now that I see it, I don’t understand at all.”

In many cases, negative emotions take the lead.

So when you're stressed, you in turn boost negative emotions for cognitive coherence.

 

It is said that people who hate their boss from the beginning will not perform better than those who hate their boss.

'Emotions are emotions! work work! Relationships are relationships!' Wouldn't it be great if you had a tendency to handle it this way?

You can keep your performance stress-free while judging your boss in the same way as 'reliable and untrustworthy'.

But we usually can't be this cool

Therefore, if you feel strong ambivalence toward your boss, you need to think of a 'different framework'.

Instead of frames such as 'I like or dislike' or 'I understand, I don't', 'I have good driving force', 'The work is neat'

The goal is to find keywords that can be applied consistently. And about that person, I only think of this keyword.

This way, you can immerse yourself in your work (CHECK OUT: ARE YOU ADDICTED TO WORK OR OVERWORKED – FAILURE TO “SELF-CONTROL”!,) thinking like, 'I'm stressed because of that person, but the driving force is worth learning'.

It's really not easy to get involved for your boss in an emotional ups and downs.

 

3. Consistency is the key

Show consistency to your subordinates.

It must be a symmetric point of the previous story. You, too, are middle managers who are bosses to some.

Therefore, it is better to have a clear emotional relationship with subordinates.

Briefly explaining:
1) Be consistent in your attitude toward employees.
2) If you can compare the good and the bad, you should avoid making people feel 'good and bad' as much as possible.

This means that if you want to establish yourself as a good boss, you should avoid attitudes that make your employees feel ambivalent.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="1333"] Consistent Behavorial Skills for Leadership[/caption]

Let's say you said, "People are more important to me than performance," and you've always acted like that, but the pressure on performance grew and you treated your employees harshly.

From the employee's point of view, ambivalence is bound to arise.

Even accepting the past appearance as a pretense, performance may deteriorate further.

Due to the nature of the organization, if even one person has this kind of emotion, it will affect the performance of the whole team.

"I'm not confident I'll be consistently good, what do I do?"

If that's the case, the usual attitude of keeping emotional distance is not bad in terms of 'emotions'.

However, in this case, it is difficult to say that it is a very appropriate attitude in that it is not easy to induce the immersion of employees.

Either way, always remember that the moment your coherence breaks down, your employees may feel ambivalent about you and lose focus.

4. 'Frenemy' is always helpful

'Frenemy' is a compound word of 'Friend' and 'Enemy'.

It means that they cooperate but sometimes compete, and compete but sometimes cooperate.

Working as a middle manager often leads to other managers competing for promotions, new business opportunities, or in-house talent.

In junior days, we were close, but after competing several times, we became separated, or conversely, we were rivals, but working together for a common task, I get the feeling that the chemistry suits me better than I thought.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="450"] Levels of Management with middle management being the most challenging[/caption]

When you compete with others, you get tired.

It takes a lot of time, energy and emotion to win the competition.

Sometimes I get very stressed out because of the situation or the other person's attitude.

If you do, it is likely that you will die and I will live.

When someone's relationship is solely governed by a single emotion, you can make mistakes you would never normally make or lead to emotional clashes and lose-lose games.

However, when I acknowledge and accept the other person to some extent, to consider 'how to manage ambivalence' is also the key to high productivity.

“That guy definitely has a better drive than me.”
"But I can see the big picture better, right?"
“Okay, let’s focus on our work a little more.”
When such an area of ​​recognition is created, competition can act positively, leading to development and growth.

It can serve as a basis for receiving a better evaluation from the superior, and it can also be recognized by subordinates as a superior who is good at controlling emotions and recognizing situations.

The 'enemy' in work life is unavoidable.

It is more advantageous in many ways to have an ambivalence rather than blindly 'dislike' or 'I will win'.

We are made to feel multiple emotions at the same time.

A person or an organization will have mixed feelings, good and bad.

Difficult and difficult tasks are burdensome and sometimes I want to try.

If you want to be a good manager or a good leader (How Startup CEOs Master the Skill of ‘Leadership’), you need a mindset and attitude that you should not get carried away with too much emotion.

Also, I think it would be good to make an effort to act consistently so as not to be seen as a person with severe emotional fluctuations or hypocrisy.

Finally,

I would also like to add that you should also try to maintain consistency with your subordinates so that they do not appear as ups and downs or hypocrisy.